For my first blog, I've decided to post a script that will set the tone for my future musings.
First let me give you the background for the script. Last year some government guy in Mississippi created a bill that would prohibit restraunts from serving food to people considered to be too over-weight. I'm not making this part up. Fortunately, it died in committee.
Now our govenment is considering taxing "unhealthy" foods.
Knowing these facts, I looked into my special crystal ball and saw a future where fast food becomes an illegal drug. Skinny people will be hired to buy the fast food creating a junk food black market.
Now for my skit.
The Characters:
Jan: Age 32 Size 6
Mara: Jan's teenage daughter Size 2
Ginger (Me): Age over 32 Size ?? Like I would say
Ginger: Hey Jan, did you get my Whopper?
Jan: Yes, and I'll only charge you ten percent above price since we're friends.
Ginger: Thank you. You know that if you gain any weight we will have to use Mara as our mule to smuggle our food.
Jan: No way am I bringing my daughter into the business. It's too risky with the food police around. They've been keeping their eyes on me as it is.
Ginger: Why?
Jan: They wonder how someone at my weight can eat fifty Big Macs and thirty Whoppers a day.
Ginger: I know your business is dangerous, but think of all the profit you're making. Within a year you can be a millionaire if you expand your business and wear disguises.
Jan: Yeah, but ten to twenty years for smuggling Whoppers and fries don't seem worth it. This has to be my last run. I'm getting out of the business.
Ginger: You mean no more Whoppers or Tacos for me? I can't handle that. I'm either going to have to find me another seller or go into robbing them.
Jan: Don't even joke! I was there last week when the MacNugget Gang robbed the Taco Bell. They took all of the tacos and sauce. It was awful.
Ginger: Now don't cry. I forgot about that. I promise I won't rob the places, but I will have to find another seller and just hope that it's not an undercover agent.
Jan: I wouldn't worry too much. If you were caught, since it would be your first offense, you would be sent to food rehab.
Ginger: Oh, those places are dreadful. I hear that they make you eat lots of bran and drink water. They even force people to detox by drinking prune juice. I heard that the stench is awful.
Jan: Well, it's better than prison.
Ginger: I guess so, but watching people go through food withdrawl would be hard.
Jan: Well, that's the price we pay when dealing in food, the new drug.
Ginger: That reminds me. Did you hear that Bob lost his grocery store and is going to jail?
Jan: No, what happened?
Ginger: He was caught setting back the scales so more people could buy chips and chocolate.
Jan: Poor Bob!
Ginger: Poor Bob? How about poor me? I will never get any chocolate at a regular store. Oh, how I will miss chocolate.
Jan: Look on the bright side. At least you were smart enough to invest in Weight Watchers. I mean you're like a millionaire now.
Ginger: What's good the money without chocolate. I'm thinking of moving to Mexico.
Jan: You can't. They closed the borders because too many American's were moving there.
Ginger: Then Canada here I come.
Jan: Sorry, they had to close their borders too. Of course with your money, you may be able to hire someone to sneak you into Canada.
Ginger: Well, I know a guy who knows a guy.
ONE WEEK LATER..........
Brrrring.....Hello, this is Jan.
Ginger: Jan, the guy of the guy who knew the guy was an undercover cop.
Jan: Oh, no!
Ginger: Oh, Yes! They cuffed me and dragged me to jail. After weighing me, they interagated me for hours trying to make me give up my food source. I told them that I was legal. I even showed them my thyroid problem id, but they could tell that it was fake. I'm out on bail, but I'm afraid I'm going away for a long time.
Jan: Wait, they don't put people in prison for trying to cross the border to Canada.
Ginger: Well, actually I'm being charged with possession of an illegal substance for one over 120 pounds. I had a candy bar in my pocket.
Jan: That five years minimum.
Ginger: I'll see you in five.
TWO DAYS LATER..........
Brrrring.....Hello, it's Jan.
Ginger: Good news, I made it across the border to Mexico. Ole' and chocolate everyday!
